funny thing Tim said

This is very brief: yesterday Tim asked me how my weekend was aka whether I saw Jason, ok the best way to explain this is to just write it verbatim

Tim: "how was the bachelorette party? did Jason pop out of the cake?" smirky laughter

me: "it was a good time and no shockingly not"

Tim: "you know he really is the quietest person I've ever met, it's creepy. It's like he's a serial killer or something, he's the type that has a house stashed with dead bodies."

me: "yeah and furniture made of the skin of his victims:

Tim: "hmm definitely."

just odd

There are some times when I find myself wondering if this job is my real life because it's just too weird like today. The first bizarre moment was technically yesterday when I got to my locker (which I leave unlocked during the day) at the end of the day I noticed that all of the shirts I had stock piled there were gone with only 1 left. I did think that Amanda possibly took them, but this morning she didn't have any either so the only conclusion to be drawn is that someone took them from my locker. Not only creepy but really just why? They are just shirts that are easily acquired in the office a few floors up.

Then as we were going to leave we found that there were no hairnets to be found so we went up to the 5th floor because there is a bin there too since you aren't supposed to be on that floor without one. Well that bin was empty too so we went back to scour the locker room for a box of them or something and ask the older women, who were just as clueless. Eventually me and Amanda ended up standing outside the 5th floor not knowing what to do because the office with the supply closet is on that floor but we needed them so we just bolted to the office hoping that no one would yell at us. I know at this point in my most riveting story you are dieing to know the outcome, well we got the hairnets you may now relax and breath a sigh of relief.

During my day of 8 hours of box making/filling boxes with caramel packets I was working with an older spanish man named Conrad (yes that really is his name) who has such a thick accent and it was so loud that I couldn't make out what he was saying most of the time and ended up just nodding and smiling most of the time. I think I may have agreed that Stevens Point is right next to Greenbay (he was asking me where I go to school and I think he got it confused with me mentioning that I'd been in the Greenbay area during the weekend..)

the skills i've acquired so far

1. The ability to zone out for hours at a time and feel as if no time has passed. Of course sometimes this is accomplished by shear lack of sleep like yesterday. After driving back from Mandy-mans's bachelorette party at 12:30am I only got 4 hours of sleep so the resulting work day was a fog of certo packets, heavy bins, sweaty knees and people chattering nonsensically at me.

2. Today I learned to identify how a box should look when filled with 33lbs of caramel packets after 2 solid hours of shoving said packets off a conveyor belt into a box on a scale that had to be exactly 33lbs.

3. I am now a master box maker after 8 hours of doing that today. I used up two whole rolls of tape gun tape and my arms are covered in cardboard paper cuts making me look like some kind of failed suicide victim.

a lot of little stories from the past week

I've been really busy this week (aka moving my brother to Illinois, visiting madison and actually having a social life) so there is a bit to catch up on, but not really that much it's been rather dull.

*also I'm going to try really hard to start using capital letters to make this a bit more readable

Friday-an awkward Jason moment: here's a shocker the machine was broken down really bad so I was just standing around talking to Jerry and everyone on the line was just wandering around the floor aimlessly. After a few minutes our conversation hit a lull and Jerry looked over at Jason who was standing a few feet away and did that eye-gesture thing where he looked at Jason and then at me clearly trying to get him to come over and talk to me. My inner dialogue = "shit shit shit, I need to escape right now. I am a flighter and there is no where to go. Crap why isn't anyone here to save me?!" So Jason walks over but not close enough to really be in our conversation and then Jerry was asking him what he was going to do over the weekend and I felt like such a bitch because it was just too uncomfortable for me to try to make small talk with him and Jerry since they had to go and create all of these awkward situations so I just ignored all of this and pretended I was somewhere else. I'm not cut out for this kind of thing.

Today-yet another awkward Jason moment: this is the first of this week because he has been working on a different floor. Well today (still shocking) the machine broke down real bad for 3 hours and we were all just standing around and I was talking to Andrew (a bit risky because there are all of these gossipy women about and I think it maybe looks like me and Andrew have a thing but it's not like that even though Andrew has a really great smile that sometimes catches me super off-guard) because the people I work with on the line are unbearable at this point (more on that later). Well who comes over but Jason and asks Andrew what he missed while on break then proceeds to stand by us as if we are all having a conversation. It was strange because he still wouldn't talk to me really as much as just listen to what me and Andrew were talking about. He did the same thing later in the day, it's weird.

Random moment: recently I have completely changed by whole opinion of Andrew because I realized that the way he talks about his car, which I previously held him in disdain for, is the way I talk about art history, which he probably thinks is just as weird. Example, last weekend he drove to a car show in Indiana and just when he was about to leave his transmission died so he had to get driven home in a tow truck. Well today I asked him how the fix up was going and he hasn't had time for it yet and then he said this "It's terrible, yesterday I just sat in it and it's so clean and beautiful. I can start it but I can't drive it and I just couldn't bare it anymore." I can't help but respect such a clearly obsessive passion for something. So now we are friends.

A rant: this is about the girl I work next to named Crystal who is probably mid twenties. I haven't really minded her up to this point but ya know I can only stand so much and today I just hit my breaking point with her. She is obsessive about knowing how many batches we have done, what time we are leaving, how fast we are moving, what the week goal is, what next week will be like and is constantly sharing all this with me and frankly it's fucking exhausting. I don't give a damn what batch we are on I would like to know what time we will leave but that is impossible to know until about 30min before-we are still getting paid and just get the damn work done and shut up. Ok I do realize that maybe I do this too sometimes and I am going to try really hard not be like this anymore-it's so exhausting to be around. Really she is stressing me out and it's completely unnecessary.

Another rant: I'm on the god damn same line aka Certo next with these supposed "10hour" days that really are just whenever we finish sometime after 2 and before 4. I HATE IT-I need certainty ok? is that so much to ask, I just want to know what the fuck time I will be getting home. Instead I spend the whole day having to redo all my plans in my head-example: today the machine broke so bad they were saying we'd be there till 4pm for sure to catch up, then they thought we just be sent home at 11am since it wasn't getting fixed then they said 2pm no matter what because they didn't want to give us overtime then they went back to 4pm and then we left at 2:30pm.

today just sucked balls

So the machine broke down but not enough to just stop, they had to keep testing it every few minutes so for 2 hours we put the pouches in the boxes which the packaging machine then crumpled, andrew and jason unwrapped the boxes and gave us back the pouches to put back into the packaging machine. 2 hours. This made for a frustrating and exhausting morning but it was thankfully free of mostly any jason teasing. Then all of a sudden the really gross guy i work next to-joe who only has a few teeth and is all puckmarked-decided to start being a huge dick and was yelling at me for stopping the machine and then stole my break time so i was starving/thirsty/super pissed off, which i try to keep to myself but i know when i am in this type of mood it is only too obvious to those around me and then i feel really bad. anyway so i finally got to go on break (never has a lunch tasted so good) and who was sitting there at a table alone but jason. it's like really fate, really? anyone could be on break right now but it has to be only me, him and a random dude. well naturally i sat at a different table and it really wasn't so bad until tim walked in! he looked at me with those eyes and it was so awkward. i could have just died there.

Ok so between the broken machine, bitching co-workers and awkward jason i was a bit frustrated to say the least and i think it was maybe a bit obvious (i think i need to learn to hide my rage) because when i got back onto the floor i was walking past jerry and andrew, who were chuckling together and jerry saw me and held up a sign he had made that said "Smile it's hump day" and then andrew came and asked me how things were going (shockingly perceptive and nice for a car guy) and i vented about my day. basically they spent the rest of the day coming over and joking around with me, it was really nice and then the best moment of the week happened: i looked up to see andrew holding a cat molded out of glue (it builds up on the machine and they scrap it into a bucket) with eyes drawn on and then jerry (visual: he's a big mexican guy with a mustache) started meowing. so the day ended much better than expected.

yesterday the awkwardness continued...

as i predicted this jason issue is not going away, the day was going along as usual when tim and jerry came over and this conversation happened:

me "look you guys need to accept that this jason thing isn't going to happen. i'm not interested. he's not tall enough."

tim "what height has nothing to do with it-it's what's inside that counts"

jerry "yeah don't judge a book by it's cover, you have to open it up, read the subtitles"

tim "i mean what isn't there to like about jason? his parents have a lot of money, his dad's a mechanic so he will fix your car and he still looks good and he's 50 so he'll look better with age, he has a sister you an go shopping with, he's built like a bull and he has a big screen"

jerry "yeah i mean it's not his fault he has 2inches of hair on his back, you won't have to buy winter clothes"

me *pause for blushing and laughter and disgust covered in laughter* "oh well a big screen, you should have lead with that..."

jerry "oh look you are blushing! ok come on i'll pay for dinner, i'll even spring for a limo to pick you up"

me "um no and do i look like a girl that needs a limo?"

tim "well fine go for a picnic, you can pitch a pop-tent"

a day so awkward it will make your toes curl

To begin with: after working a 9 1/5 hour day of no social time because i'm on the certo line where amanda can't work because it makes her barf (she has motion sickness and it's really fast) and it's too loud there anyway to have a proper conversation, i was/am super hyped up and jittery and annoying the hell out of my parents by following them around and chattering at them. Now for the really awkward moment:

-backstory: on the line today i was working with 3 random people i've never met, but andrew (the car guy) was working at the other end of it (too far to talk but we could easily see each other and make faces over how awful it was). with him was another intern jason, who i've never really met but see sometimes and never heard him talk and all i know is that he is the son of one of the mechanics and dan saw him naked once in the locker room because apparently he showers there. basically he's just a weird guy.

story: the line broke down really bad so both mechanics were working on it and when it was finally working they came over and were talking to me (i know them from last year, they are two really funny older guys). the one tim (not the dad of jason) was asking me about school and then he asked me if i had a boyfriend to which i without thinking, just answer truthfully. then he goes on to say how there are a lot of single guys around the factory and well look at that sexy guy down there-at this point he looks right at jason (he can't hear us *hopefully* but can probably easily tell we are talking about him). i want to say "oh um no way. absolutely not, he's a weirdo" but his dad was there so i just smiled and went into denial that this was actually happening. then his dad says "well he doesn't talk" and i responded that this was a major drawback and tim said that maybe i could be the one to make him open up (um YEAH. super awkward) and then said that i should give him my number because he's a nice homegrown decent guy-then he looked at andrew and said that he was trouble. at this point i am sure i was blushing and my mind was a complete blank and i just himmming and hawwing trying to be like "yeah no freaking way man." but i was trying to be nice because again the dad is there and he is watching us and i just kept blushing. anyway they finally left me. well a few minutes later andrew comes over to ask me what that was all about and he clearly knew because later on in our conversation he asked me if i was going to take jason to a bar. clearly this is a joke that will not be finished until we part company. oh dear.

a funny bit from today: since i worked until 4pm the second shift people came on while i was there aka dan and i saw him come on the floor but i didn't know where he went. well a few minutes later i was zoned out working and the woman i was sitting next to leaned over to say "um there is someone staring at us. it's creepy" so i look up to where she is looking and it's dan staring smiling at us until i waved. what a goon.

besides the conversation other stuff happened

1. amanda laid out a detailed delusional future where she studies abroad with her ex-best friend/guy she is secretly in love with while dating a total tool (he recently attached an american flag to his car. dumbass) and falls in love with him, marries him in a castle, comes home and has another wedding which i throw for her using only Michaels craft store items (that is her second job). she knows it's impossible-this is what 8 hours will do you, your imagination goes wild and we completely indulge each other. we are weird. don't judge us.

2. andrew (the super car loving guy from last summer who has a giant ego and always tries to bond with the older guys and is actually pretty funny) stopped by and we found out all he is doing this week is making binders and organizing shelves and he gets a radio. lucky bastard. he chatted to us about how much he loves his car and how he has a car show this weekend. it just too fascinating. then we threatened to write on it in car paint. he scowled and kept asking if we were serious. i giggled.

3. we met the other intern girls, they are pretty cool. the one is totally the madison clone though, she even talks like a coasty. also she is 6'2'' and is convinced she can "only find clothes in chicago at like nordstroms and like through specialty sites" also her parents pay for everything that her scholarship doesn't cover.

4. leslie said she likes and amanda best b/c she doesn't have to worry about any body messing up anything.

a conversation

Yesterday me and Amanda had a fascinating conversation with Colin, here is how it went:

after an hour of me and amanda gabby...

Colin: "man I wish Mike was here so i would have someone to talk to"

me: "fine colin what do you want to talk about?"

amanda: "how about those finals?"

me: "colin look at us, do we want to talk basketball with you? no we don't we told you that yesterday, what else do you want to talk about?"

colin: "....ummmm"

he said nothing so me and amanda started talking again and the subject of Twilight came up

Colin: "you guys like twilight" in a clearly disgusted tone

amanda: "YES!!"

colin just looked sick

me: "have you read them colin?"

colin: "no"

me: "well that's why you don't like it. don't judge us."

amanda: "yeah they are really good.." she went on to explain why the books are so good

colin: "so you probably like harry potter too?"

me: "YES!! do you?"

colin: "no"

me: "have you read them?"

colin: "yes i read three of them"

me: "oh well you need to keep reading they get so much better"

colin: "oh no i meant i read the 3rd book then the 4th book and then the 1st book"

me and amanda share a disgusted look because honestly what kind of dumbass reads a series out of order and then can't understand why he doesn't like it? maybe because you have no idea what is going on and clearly don't understand how to appreciate literature

amanda: "well that's just stupid. why would you do that? you have to read them in order. colin we are done with you."

Colin tries to be outraged but withers under our clear disapproval and eventually stops talking. at this point amanda started talking about something from when she spent a year in germany in high school.

Colin: "you went to germany? i hate germany"

amanda: "excuse me?! (her ginger fury is rising) how can you hate germany it is the best! have you ever been there?"

colin: "no but i've been to england and france and i hated those too. europe just has nothing to offer, what do they even make? i was just born to hate europe."

me and amanda stared incredulously at each other at this point so infuriated we have no words that are rude enough to level this jackass of a boy and then we both start exploding with how amazing europe is and the architecture and yada yada yada.

colin: "well america has old buildings"

me: " you are aware that europe came first? their buildings are thousands of years old. you are being so judgmental today. seriously colin we are done with you."

then we ignored him the rest of the day.

the day from hell

Today was well awful. 6am me and Amanda walk onto the line and spend the next hour and a half on a elevated platform thing scrapping off chocolate molds and taking them out to be replaced by new ones since we are switching from chocolate to vanilla. Then we cleaned and boxed a few of the bars until the wrapping machine took a giant crap and resulted in us having to unwrap a few hundred miss-wrapped bars. Then giving up the wrapping machine our supervisors decided to just have us put all the bars coming out of the cooling tunnel onto this giant table, which we filled about 30/40 bars wide and 10 bars high. It was insane. Then the wrapping machine fixed, we had to empty the table which took an hour. Then we got to go on break and sit for the first time. Then we unwrapped more bars b/c the wrapping machine wasn't actually fixed. Then we filled the table again and emptied it again and unwrapped all those bars we just sent through the wrapping machine. Then the machine broke real bad at 1pm and they just told us to leave and me and Amanda went to McDonald's for 49cent cones to make the day better. It worked.

Ok all of that was really shitty, but there was some fun stuff, especially since me and Amanda were really overtired and prone to hysterical laughter. This then resulted in us trying to stifle our giggles when Leslie went crazy with rage and was cussing and yelling while sitting on the floor surrounded by bars and wrappers trying to fix things.

after 2 days...

After two full days of work these have been my most excellent experiences at the chocolate factory:

-hours upon hours of laughing with Amanda my ginger work friend who is amazing and freakishly like me, which we think has resulted in the two college intern boys we work with to think we are beyond weird

-one of the aforementioned college boys is named Colin and every time anyone says his name I want to say it like they do on Spaced aka in a british accent and yelling it repeatedly but I have so far restrained myself as mentioned in the previous point-everyone thinks I/me and Amanda are strange

-CA Chris from Hansen hall appeared on my floor in a lab coat and took the bars for testing b/c he apparently works there (as confirmed on facebook) and I spent the 5ish minutes he was there trying to decide if it was really him (what with the white hair nets and long white coat it's hard to identify people) and if it was should I say hi or what if it wasn't then I would even crazier so I opted to go into denial (shocking) and didn't make eye contact

-Leslie my crazy ass line supervisor from last year with the tongue ring who hits on all of the men that work there walked by Boro (the crazy awesome eastern european guy who once told me that he used to smuggle jeans and cigarettes into Russia to sell on the black market) and rubbed his stomach-sickmutt

-I scrapped chocolate off of the machine for an hour

-oh and how could I almost forget-when I walked in yesterday groggy-eyed but happy b/c I was working with Amanda, who do I see but Rebecca aka the DEVIL. This is the girl that last summer I had to work with for 3 weeks straight and after the first week of trying to be nice to her I gave up b/c she is just too damn crazy. She asked me questions out of the blue like: what is your favorite color? have you ever had any pets? people say that going to college makes you discover like who you are-do you think that? and so on. Also she told a story once about how she dated a guy who went to the bathroom outside. yeah.

-So not only was walking in and seeing her horrifying enough (I told them last year not to hire her back), but then the girl who had been working third shift with her (she worked last summer so I kind of know her) stopped by on her way out to tell me that Rebecca said she hates me and that I'm really mean to her. Ha! Then today when both of the them were leaving Rebecca came by and I can't even describe what happened, I'll just give a verbatim explanation:

Rebecca to me "So how was the house?.....Like you had one this year right, at school?

Me in confusion ".....oh right, ummmmm it was great........?

Rebecca "how many people were you living with?"

Me "um 3"

Rebecca "yeah I'm getting a house next year in Milwaukee with 6 people so that will be 7 with me"

Me "wow that's a lot"

Reb "yeah I'm really excited. ok have a good day"

and that is how I will leave you-laughing awkwardly.