mortification

still catching up, last week:

I was taken away from all joy and thrust unceremoniously back onto the certo line aka the soul sucking monotony that is slowly driving me to a point of hysteria that borders on insanity, where the heat steals my motivation and replaces it with unreal levels of sweat and despair. The only thing keeping me alive is Andrew who has taken a shocking turn in from the douche bag of last summer to the kinda still a douche bag this summer, but sometimes cool to my best friend/savior this week. Me and Amanda even went and hung out at his house with his roomies on Wednesday and it was shockingly not awkward and completely fun.

So besides realizing that Andrew is actually a really nice guy, this week was completely devoid of any moments to write about.

Except for Thursday (to really express my mortification I'm going to reveal probably more than I should about myself, but otherwise it wouldn't be the same): in a seemingly wonderful twist of fate, I was taken to the Jensen line to be with Amanda for the day and everything was going delightfully until it happened. I let my joy overshadow my judgement and in an honest moment I revealed to Leslie (the lady running the line) when she asked, that no in fact I did not have a boyfriend or have ever had one.

This completely appalled her and resulted in two things. The first being that she decided clearly I had no idea how to flirt and spend 20 minutes explaining it to me. Naturally this was awkward because she is in her 50s and is engaged to a man who is in jail for drug dealing and I was blushing the whole time, needless to say I was sufficiently uncomfortable.

The second thing happened an hour later when she came over to tell me that she is going to find me a man. My reaction-oh good just what I need because naturally not having a boyfriend means I am seeking one, it couldn't possibly be that I am perfectly happy being single-I have enough friends, family, school and organizing to take care of thank you. This of course occured only in my mind and on the outside I joked with her and Amanda about it. yeah.

A bit later this guy, Juan, who always walks by this line went by (sidenote: I know Juan because when my oldest brother Justin worked at the factory when he was in college they became really good friends and hung out for years but have lost touch recently, but me and Juan have never talked or anything) and well let's just be honest he is a really attractive older man (he's in his 30's) and she sighs and goes "oo sexy" and saw that I saw her I smiled and nodded and we laughed about it. Ok. Then she went over and talked to him like she usually does so I didn't think anything of it. So I was caught completely off guard when she then came over to me and Amanda and said to me "so what would you do if Juan asked you out? I told him about our talk earlier and that you are shy and he's willing so you guys could go to dinner, no strings attached and just test the waters" my reaction: I blushed so bad I could feel the heat radiating off my skin, my mind went blank with shock that quickly turned to horror with each passing second because 1. he's over 10yrs older than me 2. Leslie asked him to ask me out (explanation: this is literally one of my greatest fears ever since when I was in middle school and saw all those 90's movies like 'She's All That' where the guy gets paid to ask the girl out and it's really awful and embarrassing) 3. he's my brothers friend (sidenote: it would be hilarious to see my brothers reaction though-I think his brain would explode) and basically I just can't believe this happened to me, this can't be real life, it just can't. This is the point where I look over at Amanda who looks just as shocked as me, is blushing in sympathy and then bursts out laughing so hard she can't even stand up. Now it's been a few minutes of me standing utterly speechless shaking my head so Leslie wanders away chuckling and Amanda finally says "I have never seen you look so horrified in my life, what are you going to do?" to which I had no response since I was busy burying myself deep in denial and trying to stop blushing. This is mortification at it's peak. All I wanted to do was crawl into my own skin and die right there. Why do these things happen to me? Do I just look so desperate and are these people so bored that they feel they must try and set me up? Who wants that? Anyway after about a half hour I calmed myself down and then the last hour of the day Leslie came back over to me and I told her "you are making my day very embarrassing Leslie. You are meddling just like a mom and this is why I never tell my mom anything" and she just laughed and I blushed some more and then the day ended, oh but not without Amanda first telling Andrew all about it when we got ice cream together. During which I started blushing all over again (damn this pale skin of mine) and Andrew thought that was hilarious. Oh awkward life, but I was back on certo the next day so hopefully it will all just blow over like it never happened.

i miss my ginger

To begin with, clearly I am far behind in my posting and this is due to the fact that I've been out of town/busy seeing friends (yay for social time outside of this hell whole of a job)/doing wedding stuff for dane dane/just plain exhausted. So I'm going to play catch up and jump way back in time to the two days I had to work the chocolate line without my favorite work person/one of my three ginger friends Amanda.

2 weeks ago Thursday: I walked onto the line without Amanda and it was a sad sad thing because the chocolate line is just not fast enough to keep me occupied without someone to talk to. I was optimistic as first however, because I found out that Leslie the lady who runs the line was robbed the previous day so she wasn't coming in so the younger guy, Dan, who works third shift was going to stay till 10am and I've heard he is really funny so I thought-yay someone to talk to! Alas my hopes were dashed when I discovered he is painfully shy and wouldn't talk to me at all until I got a "bye" and a smile from him on his way out. This is where the day takes a more eventful turn, Crystal aka one of the other line workers had to leave so we had to run the line with 3 people so one person works alone part of the day and it's just harder when things go badly since there are less people. Then the guy who came in to run the line for Dan hadn't run it in years and the wrappers kept ripping/opening and resulted in there being multiple times when they stopped the line and had 4 men staring confusedly at the wrapping machine until someone knowledgeable could get there. This clear display of their ineptitude made them all a bit cranky, which I can understand their pride and masculinity was called into serious question/bashed into nonexistence. Then the day ended-thank god. I literally talked for 5 minutes all day. On break. 8 hours of silence isn't good for me.

Friday aka the next day: I was very bleak going into work thinking I would be experiencing a repeat of the day before. As this job so often does, my expectations were obliterated-thankfully in this case. Dan actually talked to me and the rumors are true, he is very funny and we had a nice chat. A bit awkward because after I go through the whole "where do I go to school, what's my major, what do I want to do with it, how did I get the job here, blah blah" there isn't a lot else to talk about and all I want to ask is "why the hell is a guy barely older than me and from what I can tell intelligent, doing at this awful job?" and that would be rude. But really I'll take anything over silence, so I told random happenings of my times on certo and I learned about his tattoos. Fun times. Then we got done early so I didn't have to work with the inept guy, which was good but I didn't get paid which was bad.

To sum up: chocolate line = barely tolerable without a ginger to keep you laughing. To better express my feelings I wrote an Ode to a Ginger, in my head on Thursday and but I can't remember it now.

lovely lovely times

Back on the Jensen line aka chocolate bar line with Amanda my ginger friend, there are only wonderful things to report and there aren't so much stories to report as a general feeling of relieved happiness to communicate. Basically I'm getting paid to share stories/general ponderings with a truly good friend, who accepts my weirdness without judgement. Of course there is the unpleasantness of the actual mind-numbingly awful work, with all of it's paper cuts and resulting sugary coating on my skin, but that is easily blocked out most of the time.

But being me, there are some awkward moments buried beneath this layer of joy:

1. The bars were being sent to us with open wrapping but Leslie (who runs the line, see previous posts) wasn't anywhere be found and no one else knows how to fix it so one of the guys paged somebody and then the phone rang and I had to get it. Well it was Jaime aka the 1st shift supervisor who is kinda scary but I'm pretty sure he likes me b/c I can work the awful Certo line, which added to my general phobia of answering the phone made me really nervous. He wanted to know what was going on and before I could explain it looked like someone else was fixing it so I said we were alright and then he wanted to know where Leslie was and I had no idea so I said in the bathroom and then he hung up. Then Leslie walked back onto the line with this lovely quote "It's getting so that you can't even take a shit around here!" so at least I wasn't lieing when I guessed that she was in the bathroom (you see working in a factory makes people crazy with boredom so it's understood that you let each other wander around sometimes and take a bit longer on break and take really long bathroom breaks and the like).

2. actually that's the only one I can think of at the moment. See this line is just lovely.

this is super long b/c i'm stuck in a car

I had no intention of writing anything about this past week except that I have finally been scheduled on the Jensen aka chocolate line again with my most excellent friend Amanda, because it was in a word awful. But Mandy man has demanded an update and I'm stuck in a car driving to Illinois to visit my brother with my parents and my mother's micro-managing insanity yammering in the seat next to me making reading impossible and ranting all the more satisfying, which is what this will mostly be. Admittedly it won't be as heated as it would be if I'd written immediately after the fact, but what can you do. Also for convenience I'm just going to make a list of the slightly crappy things that came together into a perfect storm of crapiness and I love lists.

-crappy thing number one: they gave us another person to train. I'm sure I've bitched about this in previous entries but I'm going to say it again, I hate training people. It's the most frustrating thing because it creates so much more work for me and the others on the line, which makes me all the more sweaty-this is a lose lose situation. On top of that I immediately didn't like this woman-I have no defense of this senseless feeling of dislike towards her all I can say is that she looks like an angry pug dog, has almost no teeth, doesn't ever ask us what to do or how to do it, doesn't help clean, doesn't take any initiative and ok we probably should grab her and boss her around but frankly I just don't give a damn anymore. All I want is to get the work done as fast and efficiently as possible and she just gets in the way.

-this leads nicely into crappy thing number two: as previously established my sanity is gone and I'm prone to bursts of hysterical laughter and gazing off into space pretending I'm in my happy place and not bruised, bleeding and sweating in a factory. This makes it very difficult to deal with an inexperienced worker because I have no patience in teaching/having to think. My tolerance for this line is completely zero, I can't take it anymore.

-now that I'm thinking about it I may have written about Monday so I will jump to Tuesday: it sucked. I was in a terrible mood which isn't just do to the factory, my mother is driving me fucking insane. Everything I say she takes personally and gets really offended easily and micro-manages everything. Also she has continually insulted my taste in furniture/paint color this week and it's just exhausting to be around so I go in my room and read and go to bed and then she bitches about how I never talk to her anymore. Ok angsty rant over. So I went into work pissed off, then I had Crystal incessantly asking what batch we were on, how many pounds we had left, asking me why Manuel (the guy running the line) was doing things the way he was and maybe we should do this or that. What I wish I would have said, “Just shut the fuck up! Get your work done, Manuel is a smart guy he knows what he is doing, nothing is going to make this process faster so just accept it and stop pissing me off!” Instead I just nodded, mumbled, shrugged my shoulders, cast apologetic looks at Manuel and glared at Andrew because he was mocking me because he knows how Crystal is since she goes down to that part of the line and does the same thing to them. Also there was the typical disorganization of nobody knowing how much product we actually had to package and subsequently not knowing what time we would be leaving at, which drives me crazy because I crave certainty. Oh there was one good thing; Manuel is clearly annoyed with Crystal constantly checking up on him and suggesting things so when he needs to tell us something he tells me and pass along the message-this includes how much product we have and it clearly pisses Crystal off and I love it. So that was Tuesday.

-Wednesday: I decided in the morning that this day had to be a good day. I was going to be happy no matter what it took because to be as unhappy as I was the previous day is just not healthy and it makes time drag. This worked out really well actually, I even had a bonding moment with Manuel when we discovered that we both live in Waukesha. Also me and Amanda and Andrew went out for ice cream cones at McDonalds. It was a fun time.

-Thursday: the good mood didn't last, to be more accurate it was crushed beneath the pure rage I felt during this day. What ignited my rage was two things, the first being that when I was at the front of the line the machine was just broken enough that they wouldn't stop and fix it and just made us push through. This means that I had to stop it about every 5 minutes to put these little recipe cards into the box before the packets go in because the line moves too fast to first through the recipe in and then put the packets in. Also half of all the packets coming down the line were empty which I have to throw in the garbage but everyone after still has to fill the boxes. In essence it was constant stopping/starting, empty packets, empty boxes for an hour and it was exhausting. Then we switched spots and I was at the back of the line trying to calm down my temper, which had only resulted in me cussing a lot and ripping out a few boxes in anger but nothing too bad yet. Well then I was sitting at the end and instead of yelling down to me that a bunch of the packets were open and stopping the line, the girls just let them come and in my dazed state of half zone out/half frustrated hysteria I couldn't process what was happening until my hands were covered in pectin (a slimy viscous clear liquid that makes jelly into jelly) holding onto a huge pile of open packets with more unopened packets coming that needed to be put into boxes and that's when I snapped. I grabbed it all, threw it into a bucket and threw it all away then wiped off my hands and the floor/conveyor belt/bucket by me, while swearing loudly with undoubtedly a vein pulsing in my forehead. It was one of those situations where I couldn't see it from an outside rational position, all I saw was red and I couldn't stop swearing. After a few minutes of sitting there pulsing in fury I began to calm down and luckily got to go on break, where Amanda was there and I let the crazy explode out of me and she made me and laugh and calm the fuck down. It was exactly what I needed to realize how outrageous I was being. Then I got back on the line to find them unloading their bins and Andrew was helping out and when we were finished he helped me adjust all the bins and such (I'm not going into the details of the physicality of this line it's boring and useful information). It was so nice. Basically it was just a real bad day but it made me realize that I have pretty great friends at work so it ended on an ok note.

-Friday: they told us the day before that we would only be working until 8am because we only had 2 batches to package and in a day we usually do 6-8 batches so I made plans to go get tea with my friend Sam at this incredible tea room that is only open till 4pm, hence the reason we haven't been yet. Well I get into work and the first thing I hear is that we now have 4 batches to do, which was annoying but not so bad because that was basically work till 10am. No problems. Then the machine broke down for the first hour of work. Again I wasn't worried yet because it looked like we would be leaving by 11am. Then we went on break where I got to eat the peanut butter and nutella on a roll sandwich Amanda made for me-she is pretty much a great person. Then me and all the people on the line found out that we had to do 6 batches which is a full day of work aka leaving at 2pm and we all exploded. It was kind of a great moment-all 7 of us started ranting. Then I spent the next 2 hours coping with the idea that yet again my plans to get to this tea room were thwarted (two attempts had already failed) because no one new for sure how much we had to package, how long it would take so I just blocked it all out. Then I got back from second break to find out that we were done. At 12pm. It was exciting and yet I had already readjusted my plans in my head so lets just add it to the infuriating miscommunication of the factory. In summation I got to go to the tea room and it was everything I dreamed it would be-there were roses on the table, a chandelier, china tea cups and I was surrounded by little old ladies. It was completely lovely. If any body comes to visit me we are going.

-phew that was long.

a breakup letter

Dear Certo line,

I can't say I am sorry to say that I am leaving you for the Jensen line and my friend Amanda, I'm actually quite elated. Our relationship for the past 6 weeks has been rather dismal. You have left me with crippled hands that won't ever work right again, bleeding fingers and never fully heal under your reign of terror and you have given me numerous bruises all over my arms and legs. This is nothing compared to the emotional damage you have inflicted on me. My mind has snapped leaving me laughing in hysteric half laughing/half crying in attempts to see the good in our relationship, but it doesn't exist. In short you are an abusive bitch. I have given you everything; I try every day to anticipate your every need and fulfill it, I may cuss at you sometimes but I also sing to you and before we were together I even said I liked you to multiple people. I looked for your redeeming qualities and continue to beat me. So it is over. It's not me, it's you. I hope never to see you again.

Sincerely,

Aimie

congrats certo line you own my sanity

Official declaration: the certo line has broken my spirit and holds my sanity in it's fist causing me to come dangerously close to slipping into hysterics when asked about work.

How this came to be:

-the heat: it saps all will to move/think/breath/enjoy anything what so ever

-the people: today Crystal kept up a constant monologue about how they should be running the line and made me go with her to essentially tattle on the guy running the line (he's really cool and I enjoy chatting with him so this really pissed me off) for not providing us with a fan immediately when Crystal asked for one, to which the shift supervisor made him give us his fan.

-the lack of social interaction: at least this week I have Andrew (the car guy) to talk to but there are less people on the line so we can only talk when it is broken

-the machine breaks down every damn minute: for 30 minutes today I was in the first spot and had to stop the line every 30seconds because either the recipe weren't falling into the boxes, the packets were coming to me empty, the packets were open and subsequently covering my hands/the conveyor belt/floor in disgusting pectin or all of this was happening simultaneously. It was so overwhelming and frustrating, i couldn't stand it.

the sweat reaches new epic proportions

The past two weeks are a blur of awfulness. It's been so hot that I start sweating the moment I open the door to the floor I work on, the fan just blows the hot air around and my jeans are adhered to my skin within the first hour of work. As if that's not awful enough I've got Jason looking at me, being all creepy and not talking at all. One day we were short people so he had to work directly next to me and honestly if this was the hottest guy I'd ever met I would dislike him immensely after this day-he is a terrible worker, he moves in slow motion, falls asleep, never stands up and is just a big giant lump of useless, sweaty, creepy maleness. It's just awful because I look/feel disgusting and because of him I feel super self-conscience and just blech. It sucks. Anyway the other terrible part of these two weeks is that we keep missing people-one morning this line that takes four workers on my side ran with only me and the spanish lady for an hour, then the shift supervisor came and worked next to me and I could practically feel his anger seeping from this pores. I felt bad for the guy, not only are his workers not showing up but the we are still trying to catch up all the product we didn't make last week because the machine was so broken.

Another crappy thing is that they each week we got a new person to train. Training is terrible because I just want to get the work done as quickly and with the least amount of bruises incurred as is possible and with a newby running around we have to work twice as hard to make sure they don't fuck up and break the machine. It's just frustrating and exhausting and hot and sweaty and there has been no one to make me laugh so I just sit and zone out.

In summation this job has taken ahold of my sanity and up till now was just batting it around like a cat and mouse and now it has taken a firm grasp and is beating it into a tiny ball of crazy. By the end of the day I sometimes run around giggling hysterically about being free.